Throdded Pieces of Shattered Glass
“Fine! I shall ask no questions and I will do it today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and forever!” I shouted. I turned away from her at that time and from the corner of my eye I saw her walking away. It was another argument this year. Another argument on such a silly and unimportant matter.
It has been three days since then, yet till this day I feel that the matter has not been resolved. I remember the times of laughter we used to have together, when we were Form 2 our ‘mangsa’ would be Ee Suen and we made up a story about the Furry Godmother who lives in an ataphouse with no electricity. When we were Form 3 our Furry Godmother was separated from us and thus a new target was selected out of forty over students, act cute girl, Low Xiau Fong. I remember sitting beside her one day and throwing stapler bullets into Xiau Fong’s hair, I also remember how we tried to hold back our laughs as Xiau Fong turned indignantly around at us. We failed in the end and at last I was found rolling on the floor while she had a stomach ache.
Moments spent bullying her still playback like a video in my mind. Shakeel was one of my bullying partner at that time and whenever anyone related to scouts walked into our class, the both of us would immediately scream, “SCOUT MEMBERS!” and soon the whole class was following our footsteps. Our bullying did not stop there and we soon gave her the name ‘Tolong’ once we criticized the scout’s tolong sign, (a few stones piled on each other). Other than Shakeel, Nicholas was also a big fan of our precious friend and during the elections for the head prefect, the both of us took an empty paper and wrote, “Vote for Quek as Head Prefect!” Around those words were covered with other words such as dedicated, beautiful, hot, sexy, committed, leader, motivated and etc. Till today her facial expression as she stepped into the class and caught sight of the paper is still stuck in my mind.
It was really fun then and even though we both faced tough times, I knew I had her by my side and I believe she felt the same. We used to sit there by the corner and we would talk about things ranging from scouts to monsters to friends to teachers and even to my hairstyle which she totally detests. Life was simple then and it was so much more worth living.
When the both of us stepped into Form fourhood, stress, pressure, homework, tuitions, co-curriculum slowly crept into our hearts and we can be described as rock climbing, but it was okay, we still had each other. We still talked about scouts and ex-monsters. It was still bearable and I will always feel grateful that I had such a person by me.
Morning of April 1st was funny as I was fooled by her early in the morning. She told me she was in a good mood and it cheered me up a bit. But later that day I got pretty stressed up as I caught sight of all the things I did not know during Physics period and add on to the fact that I had to collect RM3 from every English Society member made me even grumpier. Then the button within me labeled explosive finally was pushed as I was given the task of telling the Form 4 Leo members that meeting was cancelled.
The rest of the details are not worth talking about, but in short I got upset and the argument was ended with the first sentence of this essay. I never meant what I said though, I never hated Leo, it was not true that I hated the job as the Form 4 Representative, it’s just that some times some things said in a certain way can be quite upsetting and so this was how I spent the worse April Fool in my life. The only April fool I did not bother to prank anyone.
The next day when I thought all would be forgotten, I was greatly disappointed as I was ignored by her for the first time in my life. That was when almost every aspect of me stopped functioning. I could not listen in class, I could not do my homework, and I did not know how to deal with this and would find people to comfort me. Sadly no one provided much of a comfort and I sat there in that miserable class sitting and walking around aimlessly, lonely. The moments spent at home were no better as I only had the mood to draw and stare into space. Life felt meaningless and empty. Cold.
The next day was no better and today was just the same cold silence, I knew not what to say, I knew not how to say that I missed her, I just felt hopeless and useless. There were times during duty or while walking alone, I would feel a sudden rush of emotion and would feel my eyes start to warm, but I held them all back. At times I feel like punching the wall till my hands bleed, at times I just needed people to talk to me and cheer me up, but all the time I wished things were back to normal. I wish I could hear her talk about scouts again, even her complains about how political prefects were seems good. I really miss having a true friend. I really hope that she’ll just talk to me and if all this cannot come true. Then I just hope that my heart can be operated out of me, because it hurts.
